Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
