i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
