I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Fuck appropriateness.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
