I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
