The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
