$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
