Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Randomize
