its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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