I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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