Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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