Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
