i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
smell my finger.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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