Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
