fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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