Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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