"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my shit smells like andre
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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