if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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