It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I wish there were birth control emojis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
