It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
