i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
