I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
