dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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