Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it glows. i had to have it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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