It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
