If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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