I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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