it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
