remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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