What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
