I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I need moral support for this bender
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im part way to drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
