you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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