I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
