Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
