He disabled his match.com account in front of me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
