Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Barsexuality is the new black.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
