Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
