Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
