??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
