I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
