You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
