the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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