I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
