Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
