I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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