morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
