dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
