How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
