Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
