I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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