so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
