are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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