We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
