Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
