someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
